A Heart for God When It's Hard

I went to see an unusual movie today called "The Book of Eli". Denzel Washington and Gary Oldham lead an interesting, eclectic cast in this dark and violent film. It caught my curiosity because of the reviews and blogger comments on it being a "Christian" film in some respects although it was a very "R" movie. Some friends of mine had seen it and recommended it as well.
I am not interested in writing a movie review but I will say that the film has nicked me, meaning it will stay with me for a while and I want to talk about it a bit. First of all, when a movie gets under my skin and itches until I "scratch" it through contemplation or conversation (my favorite), that's when I know it was a good movie. Generally speaking, I come out of a theater (or turn off my tv/dvd player) and the first thought or words out of my mouth are, "that film could have been so much better - what a disappointment". Currently both film makers and we, the audience, have become so lazy in our expectations that we get what we deserve: Boring films with inane dialogue, tired out devices for humor or romance, obligatory sex and/or violence just to fill the minutes.
So when a film grabs me or, even better, surprises me, I really love to talk about it afterwards.
As I said, I don't want to review the film, I just want to zero in on this one moment that was like a laser of light in the bleakest backdrop I could have ever imagined. In a bombed out cement column (like you might see at a power plant), Denzel Washington's character and a young woman named Solara are hiding out from some very, very bad guys. The young woman cannot read and has never experienced anything but the darkest days of a destroyed world. She has never seen anything grow, never seen a blue sky, never heard music or witnessed the arts, never tasted anything fresh. She watches Denzel reading from a book, his very special book that he has protected at all costs. A book that has led them to being hunted down like animals. She asks him to read some of it to her.
Denzel looks up, closes the book and begins to quote Psalm 23: "The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want. He maketh me lie in green pastures, he leads me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for thou art with me. They rod and they staff, they comfort me". And then he smiles.
As a believer and a lover of God's word, that moment was transforming for me. "Why", you ask (and thanks for asking). I can't tell you how many times I have heard the 23rd Psalm read or read it myself or quoted it or sung it. It's one of the MOST recognized passages in scripture. But, as I was drawn into the story and the bleak, hopelessness of that post-apocolyptic world, hearing God's word spoken, those words of comfort and hope and peacefulness created an absolute moment of TRUTH. God's word piercing the deepest darkness. The girl yearned to hear more. For the first time, she could glimpse why this book meant so much to him.
I came away thinking about my own walk with God. We have so much, so much to distract us from God. Though "just" a movie, Denzel's character clearly understood the value and importance of a close walk with the Lord and spending time in his word. I thought of the believers in Haiti who are living in the bleakest possible conditions, believers in China where many must share one Bible, in Africa where they could be arrested for their faith without a moment's notice... and I asked myself, "would I have the courage, the strength of faith to proclaim God when its so hard. Would I spend time in the word every day, resting in his truth if everything else was taken from me?
I had a thought tickling me... I knew I had read somewhere these thoughts put on paper much better than I am doing now. I finally remembered it was an e-mail that I read (and saved) which was part of the eulogy for NBC correspondent, David Bloom who died in Iraq in the early days of the war. He was there covering the invasion and, at the age of 39, died in April 2003. Before he left, he seemed to have a premonition that God might have greater plans for him. Following is an e-mail that he wrote to his wife, Melanie, before he left Kuwait City. This e-mail was read at his funeral service:

"You can't begin to fathom - cannot begin to even glimpse the enormity - of the changes I have and am continuing to undergo. God takes you to the depths of your being - until you are at rock bottom - and then, if you turn to him with utter and blind faith, and resolve in your heart and mind to walk only with him and toward him, picks you up by your bootstraps and leads you home. I hope and pray that all my guys get out of this in one piece. But I tell you, Mel, I am at peace. Deeply saddened by the glimpses of death and destruction I have seen, but at peace with my God and with you. I know only that my whole way of looking at life has turned upside down - here I am, supposedly at the peak of professional success, and I could frankly care less. Yes, I'm proud of the good job we've all been doing, but - in the scheme of things - it matters little compared to my relationship with you, and the girls, and Jesus. There is something far beyond my level of human understanding or comprehension going on here, some forging of metal through fire."

"...some forging of metal through fire". My friend, Luci Swindoll, calls it the "Alchemy of the Heart" - taking something corrupt and flawed and passing it through the fire, tempering it until it becomes as gold. The movie for me today was one big illustrated reminder that until I allow God to temper me and draw me fully to himself, I will never be strong enough or courageous enough to have a heart for God when it's really, really hard.

Of All the Blogs I've Ever Written, This Is The Most Recent!

Every family has a phrase, sometimes a series of phrases that become part of the family lore. A young child mispronounces a word and the family finds it charming or hilarious and from that moment on "interesting" becomes "instering". My niece, Ali, was the originator of that phrase when she was 3 and she has just turned 30 but we all still say things are "instering". Once, when my boys were in high school, we visited their grandparents at a time share in Palm Desert. We were at the pool and a volleyball net had been strung across. A very boisterous, dare I say, obnoxious family was playing a super competitive game of water volleyball. The dad was especially loud and bellicose and, every time his teenage son made a mistake with the volleyball, he would slap him upside the back of his head and say, "Way to go, Smoothie". Now, we don't even know those people, never saw them again after that one afternoon at the pool but to this day when one of the boys muffs something, especially an athletic endeavor (like badminton or ping pong), someone in the family will invariable utter those immortal words, "Way to go, Smoothie".
It's part of who we are. It's those private, quirky words and phrases, the "inside jokes" of a family that make us feel special and inclusive. An entire family can be mad at each other, sitting around the table in silence, almost daring someone to break the tension when one of them whispers the "magic" words like..... "ooops, my fart sneaked out" and WHAM! The explosion of laughter that follows along with the obligatory milk/nose squirt, the choking on a piece of potato and the "laugh tears" dripping uncontained down someone's cheeks completely wipes the memory of "mad" away. The phrase becomes part of the tapestry of the family and is whipped out whenever we need a good laugh or, unwittingly, when it's the appropriate thing to say (like in a packed car after a visit to say, Miguel Jr.'s for lunch).
This Christmas my son, Andrew, introduced our newest favorite family phrase. My dad, "Pa" , likes it so much he is using it for nearly every situation he encounters. We were sitting around the table after an incredible Christmas dinner. It was, I do believe, the best ever (or at least, at that moment it seemed like that but, in retrospect, I probably say that every year). Andrew, looking content beyond words, pushed himself back from the table (no small effort) and announced, "Of all the Christmas dinners I have ever had, THIS was the most recent". There was a beat of maybe 2 counts then a barrage of laughter that took some minutes to die down. Andrew gave credit where credit is due - his Musical Theater teacher at Azusa Pacific University, Bart McHenry used the phrase when the kids would perform for him ("Of all the songs I have heard performed this year, THAT was the most recent..."). Nevertheless, we thought Andrew to be the funniest, most clever boy and we laughed and laughed then used the phrase tirelessly the rest of the day:"Of all the gifts I have ever gotten for Christmas... ok, you get it, I know.
The worst thing is I get such a kick out of things like that... more than my family, certainly more normal, well-adjusted people. My family often look at me as I am laughing uncontrollably at something they don't even find mildly amusing, saying things like, "There she goes again. Let's just leave her alone until she gets over it." I had one of those moments last night. A friend of mine was doing me a great favor and we were in a time crunch to get this small project completed. He got a phone call and, while I was not trying to eavesdrop, the person on the other end of the line was agitated and talking quite loudly. I could hear both sides of the conversation clearly. My friend remained completely calm while the person on the other end was recounting a small calamity which she felt needed his immediate attention. While he explained that he was in the middle of something and couldn't help at just that moment, the other person proclaimed what I am sure she thought was the piece de resistance as far as an explanation, "The woman has a pacemaker!!"
Now, you, a perfectly nice, normal person do not think that is funny. You shouldn't. It's not really funny. But, the not normal me, found it so funny that I had to bite the inside of my cheeks and slap my hand over my mouth so I would not guffaw all over the place and insult the sincerely concerned person on the end of the line. There was something so funny to me about that phrase being the culmination of her argument when the conversation had never been about a woman but rather a young adult man who was involved in a minor fender bender.
I keep thinking that is the perfect thing so say in conversations that aren't going well. The ones where I find myself frustrated beyond words and need some levity to straighten things out, I will henceforth say, 'The woman has a pacemaker!!" It's just another phrase to add to my family's lore. And because we are told that laughter is good medicine, I'm praying that using phrases that make me laugh long and loud will keep me from being that woman who has a pacemaker for a long, long time!

Winning The Resolutionary War!

Here it is, the first week of January: A brand new year. More than that: A brand new decade! Wow! Makes me all shivery! 2010: That's fun to say!
OK, so over the past few days my daily newspaper, the evening news, my internet provider, programs like Oprah, Ellen, Drs. Oz and Phil, Dateline and 20/20 plus any number of friends have been brimming over with advice on making and keeping New Year's resolutions: "Don't be unrealistic, just get started, accept your mistakes, count your successes" and on and on it goes. I can't turn in any direction without reading or hearing or seeing something about resolutions. I'd feel downright guilty if I didn't make at least one!
The thing is - this isn't the time we need the advice or encouragement. Heck, we all have tremendous resolve right now. It's a new year: everyone has a shiny, clean slate and success is just waiting to be claimed.
It reminds me of a scene from the Mel Gibson movie, The Patriot. [As a complete digression, I must say that I have always been a big Mel fan - the old Mel anyway, the "pre-weird rant, mid-life crisis, dump my wife of 30 years and my 7 kids for a newer model" Braveheart Mel. MAYBE he will make some resolutions to clean himself up and be the guy we all used to love and admire... but that's whole other blog]. But as I said, I digress. Back to the Patriot: Remember at the beginning of the movie when the South Carolina state congress, against Mel's objections, votes to declare war against England? The people are delirious with excitement. Fireworks are shot off, people are cheering and throwing their hats into the air. FREEDOM! (Oops, wrong Mel movie). Anyway, only Mel seems to know what lies ahead. He's battled before. He's a veteran.
Now fast forward to the scene where Mel's character and his oldest son, Gabriel, are watching out an upstairs window at a disastrous scene playing out before them in the open field below. The British are routing the patriots and the once idealistic, optimistic army of future Americans turn tail and run away as fast as they can in humiliating defeat. Mel puts his arm around his disheartened son and lets him know this is just one battle lost, not the whole war.
His timing is, of course, perfect (could the "old" Mel be anything less?) We don't need to be told what to do on December 31st or January 4th when our resolve and hopes are high. It's when the new bag of M&M's is suddenly, inexplicably 1/2 empty ("Melts in your mouth, not in your hands!" - obviously a brilliant scheme to hide all evidence) or an empty pint carton of Black Raspberry Avalanche Dreamery Ice Cream is found in your personal office trash can ("How in the world did that get in there?") Or when, despite every good intention, you forget to call your mother for three weeks or you accidentally nag your husband again (and again) about ________ (fill in blank).
It's losses in these individual battles that lead to complete defeat in the Resolutionary War. You see, it's in the middle of the campaign when hope for success dwindles. When the enthusiasm at the starting line is just a dim memory and victory is still too far off to seem attainable. Come January 27th or February 13th or March 6th I'll need my good, old friend Mel to put his arm around me (editorial pause as I close my eyes and imagine the old Mel, the "What Women Want" Mel, actually putting his arm around me) and tenderly encourage me that while I may have lost a battle or two, the Resolutionary War is still winnable. That's when Dr Oz and Phil, Dateline and my local newspaper should all run the articles we are reading this week!
Of course, it's also about making resolutions that both matter and are absolutely attainable. I made a list of a few resolutions that I intend to keep this year that aren't on the normal top 10 most common resolutions (you know the ones I'm talkingabout: lose weight, spend more time with family, get out of debt, stop smoking, stop drinking and whatever else).
For example: I resolve to:
1. Do a completely unexpected act of kindness for someone I absolutely loathe and despise. Really. First, it's Biblical - doing a kindness for your enemy will be like heaping burning coals on his head. Sounds totally worth it, doesn't it? (Of course, you cannot assume that if I happen to do something nice for you, I actually loathe you... I LOVE you!). Honestly, it's a great lesson in servanthood. The loath-ee might not even know... but I will know and it will be good for me.
2. Order something off a menu that I really don't like and eat it... it's probably going to be fishy... I hate to even think about it. BUT - I need to expand my horizons, open myself up to new experiences, and tastes.
3. Finish something: I know what that means to me - I will keep the "thing" to myself, but the point is, I've got some things in my life that I have had dangling in my head and heart for a long time and I aim to finish at least one of those "things" this year.
There are a few more, but you get the idea. Those are resolutions for me - just me - and they are completely attainable... at least it feels that way on January 6th.
So, are you with me? Let's all resolve to win the Resolutionary War this year! Hip, Hip Hooray! Hip, Hip Hooray! With a little help from the old Mel, how can we go wrong??

Not meaning to offend

I'm heading into politically incorrect waters with full knowledge that the way I feel about the current state of things is not necessarily shared. Still, I feel like I need to write some things down, because they are weighing so heavy on my heart right now.
I was driving to my office this morning when I heard on the radio that the 60 votes needed to pass the senate version of the Obama/Reid health care bill had been reached. A vote for cloture had occurred at 1:00 AM - the very dead of the night.
I burst into tears.
I feel the greatest sense of fear and loss and helplessness in a way that I have never experienced as an American before. I do not understand how elected senators can move ahead when a large majority of the country so clearly does not support government-run health care. I do not understand how so many people can stand by without a word of dissent as 1/6th of the American economy is poised to be taken over by the government. I wonder how they will feel when our taxes continue to rise, our health care is parsed out, we end up paying for the death of babies and old people are not considered valuable enough to provide proper health care for.
I love my young 20-something friends but I can clearly see that they have no real clue what this loss of liberty will mean. They are all about starting their careers, establishing themselves. They are not paying attention and it is at their own peril. Our freedoms, our constitution are being trampled on. We are becoming a society that wants to be taken care of instead of the country that grew to be great on the initiative, creativity, imagination and hard work of it's amazing people. My own boys would prefer that I not talk about the president, his policies, the health care debate or anything even remotely "political" around their friends for fear that I might offend. I try to play nice, I really do.
It reminds me about a group I used to speak for: Christian Women's Club - a national women's ministry that seeks to win women to the Lord through luncheons, fashion shows and a compelling speaker. There were "rules" about what the women were able to discuss - "age, weight, politics and religion" were forbidden table talk. The age and weight rules were inserted to lighten the load, so to speak. Let's be careful to not step on toes or question a contrary opinion.
But this is so much bigger than politeness and politics. I believe in this past year, America has moved at an incredible pace toward a country that, if unchecked, will become unrecognizable as the country our forefathers envisioned. I am fearful that every freedom that I hold true as an American citizen will continue to slip away. With the government monitoring health care - every aspect of our lives will come under their scrutiny: What we eat, what we wear, how we spend out leisure time, what kind of jobs we're allowed to have, how much we are allowed to earn. Couple health care with the new religion of the environment and I see a nightmare of unequaled magnitude: The government will also tell us what cars we can drive, what kind of televisions we are allowed to have in our homes (already happening in California), even something as benign as when and if we can barbecue: sounds pretty silly and petty, doesn't it? Wait until it happens.
Sometimes I feel like the crazy old man you always see in a horror or science fiction film. The one who warns of doom and gloom and yet, as sure as the sun will come up tomorrow, the main characters will ignore as they blithely go on their merry way toward death and destruction.
I don't think things are perfect. I know some reform needs to happen. I know over the past 234 years some American leaders have made terrible mistakes: choices based on power plays, personal agendas, prejudices, weakness, on and on. But as a whole, America has survived the bad by staying true to the Constitution, the Bill of rights and the Amendments. For the first time, at least in my lifetime, all of that is being threatened.
Still, when I shake off the heavy-heartedness that blankets me and makes me feel like I can barely breathe, I find hope in a couple of things.
One: We can change things with the vote. There's a great line in the move Dave delivered when Kevin Kline, playing the presidential imposter, says to the country, "I forgot that this is just a 'temp' job and that you put me here for just a temporary piece of time". It's true. All the elected officials from the president to the senators to the congressmen who are pursuing this strangling, liberty-stealing health care bill are only there at the whim and will of the American people. There will, I pray, be a reckoning in November 0f 2010 and 2012 should it pass. I heard a senator say on the news today, "I know the Americans think they don't want this bill but once it's passed they will see how great it is". Great indeed. Everything else not withstanding, the truth that my my tax dollars will be used to kill innocent, unborn babies is devastating to me. The incredible conceit that an elected official thinks he knows better than his constituents is the worst kind of self-delusional buffoonery.
Second: As I know and experience with every other aspect of my life, prayer not only matters, it can change things. God has promised in 2 Chronicles 7: 14 "If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land."
If you believe, as I do, that our nation is walking down the wrong path, won't you join me in prayer for our nation, and our leaders?
Lastly (and this is really important) I want to say a word for those of you who absolutely couldn't disagree with me anymore if you tried: you like the current administration and think we are heading in the right direction. If you know me at all, you know that I am a true student of the American Civil War. One of the things that has always intrigued me is the depth of faith on both sides of that war. The south had incredible men of faith fighting and praying, utterly convinced they were doing God's will by fighting for the south. Looking back now, 150 years later, that seems difficult - how could anyone who loved the Lord defend a nation that embraced slavery? Yet, from General Robert E. Lee to Stonewall Jackson to many, many others, their faith guided them, led them and kept them strong. Now don't misunderstand, I am not saying that if you disagree with me, I am comparing you to someone who supported slavery. I'm just saying that I don't think the conservatives hold the spiritual edge here (except in the case of abortion - there is no possible justification for the purposeful death of an innocent child).
The fact that I feel so strongly about this issue and this current government does not get in the way of my love or friendship for you. If you disagree with me - ok! In fact, I would love to talk about it with you - with all my politeness in place.
Now... I need to go pray.... there's still the tiniest piece of hope that we can stop this debacle before it goes any further.

Tis A Miracle: The Monroe's Annual Christmas Letter

This is my annual Christmas letter. Some of you might have received a version of it through the mail but I decided to post it here for all to read. It's long, I know, so proceed at your own caution! For those who regularly read my blog, it is a compilation of some of the things I've written about but it never hurts to take a journey again if it was worthwhile the first time. (Wow! That almost sounded profound, didn't it? Honestly, I did not just read that on the back of the Celestial Seasonings tea box!). Here goes:
Daniel asked me the other day what the theme for this year’s letter was going to be. I had to admit then that I didn’t have a clue, I hadn’t begun to think about this letter (other than the normal, “YOU’VE GOT TO GET THAT LETTER WRITTEN” beating I give myself annually).

Last night, when normal people are sleeping, I let my mind meander throughout this year and one word (or its derivative) kept popping up: “Miraculous”. That’s an oft overused word but in the case of the Monroe Clan, it seems appropriate to describe 2009.

Mark, who usually gets a simple line at the end of the letter saying that he is in his umpteen year at Amerisource-Bergen, gets to go first. In October, Mark was laid off from the job he has held for 27 years. This was a stunning turn of events. Mark had warned me it was coming but I just really couldn’t believe it. When he walked in the door that Tuesday morning, as I was getting ready to head out to my CAT Office, and said, “It’s over!” I still asked, “What’s over?” Then Mark gently explained that he had been laid off. Once the initial shock sort of wore off, the next thing we did was pray together. Miraculously, through the blessings of our faithful God, many friends stepped forward with offers of help, job possibilities and all around support. Within three weeks, Mark was employed with a brand new job at a company here in Corona called Vantage Vehicle International. The company manufactures small electric cars. It’s a good place for Mark to be right now and although he doesn’t see it as a long term career stop, the Lord is using Mark in this place and we are very grateful!

Next comes our Jordan. Jordan is in the army, stationed in Texas. This year really has been one miraculous event after the next. First, last January Jordan was stationed at an air force base in the town of San Angelo, Texas. Leaving California and heading to Texas seemed like a huge turning point in his life – so many unknowns. Jordan and I prayed together that God would open new doors for him, new friendships, new challenges. Two days after arriving in San Angelo he visited a church and he called me as he walked back to his car, “Mom, I just visited the greatest church. I can’t believe how much I enjoyed it.” The very next week he was invited to attend a Sunday night college/career group Bible study that met in a private home. He called me to tell me about this great family that lived in this home and about all the new friends he was making. It seemed Miraculous that God had answered our prayer so quickly.

Over the next few months, Jordan continued to develop friendships in this group. He often mentioned the family that hosted the Bible study, especially the daughter who was a part of the group, Georgia Anne Huckabee. When Jordan came home for a visit in June, he was definitely a changed man: I knew the minute I saw him that this was a man in love! In August Jordan proposed, Georgia said, “yes” and Mark and I got to be with them and Georgia’s wonderful family in San Angelo for some Texas-style celebratin’. Their wedding is planned for June 26^th here in Corona!

Jordan’s army journey continues to be mysterious. He was supposed to be deployed to Iraq in mid- August. As he waited with 102 other soldiers in the deployment area, packed and ready to go Jordan waited for his name to be called. When 100 soldiers were boarded on the plane and it was just Jordan and two officers left, he was told he wasn’t going. So he is stationed at Fort Hood, Texas, safe from the battle field, or so we thought. On November 5 he called to tell me there was something going on at the base – they were all locked down and shots were being fired. Right across the street from Jordan’s building an Islamic terrorist was massacring 13 innocent people. We were blessed that Jordan was not harmed and our prayers remain with the families of those who died or were terribly injured.

Andrew, happily, graduated from Azusa Pacific University Summa Cum Laud in May along with his Best Girl of 4 years, Ashley Geiger. We celebrated in style and then sent Andrew back to the books to study for his 4 part CPA exam. Personally I would have rather pulled out my fingernails slowly but that’s just me. He spent the summer working as co-director of our CAT Summer Camps with his brother, Daniel. Then in late September ADULTHOOD arrived: Andrew began his career with Deloitte and Touche, one of the big 4 accounting firms in America. We found it miraculous that, despite the current economic climate, Andrew was able to find a wonderful job. He also found time to play the lead role in two major CAT productions this year: Benedick in Shakespeare’s Much Ado About Nothing and Robert Thorpe in the play I wrote, Star of Wonder. Contrary to any thought that I might be unreasonably prejudiced, I can say that he was fantastic in both roles. It was wonderful to see him on the stage! I especially enjoyed it when 12 of his Deloitte Management team came to see him in Star of Wonder: I’m certain they will NEVER view him as a typical accountant again! Would it be overkill to mention that Andrew completed his first (and according to him, "last") marathon. I think that's just weird. He refuses to be put in a box - an acting, running, accountant. Who ever heard of such a thing???

Isaac is, unbelievably, a senior this year. It’s hard for me to wrap my mind around that fact. He is the greatest kid whose performing talents have continued to blossom. This year alone he’s played roles from “Willie Wonka” to the “Genie” in Aladdin (which required specialty balding make-up and being painted totally blue, a 2 hour process every performance day for two weekends) to one of Captain Hook’s Pirates in Peter Pan to a crooked attorney in Annie Warbucks to the young “Robert Thorpe” in Star of Wonder. Miraculously, he does not have a multiple personality disorder, though it would not be all that surprising. Since Isaac was 6 he has participated in every CAT youth productions and most of the Community Theater productions in some way: That’s somewhere in the region of 45 major shows (along with 10 Summer Tour Groups). Talk about experience! Though CAT is the center of his universe, he has a life outside as well: Madrigal Choir at school, preparation for college (He is hoping to attend California Baptist University in Riverside), church and an exhausting self-driven exercise/weight lifting regimen. And did I mention "girls"? Yes, lots of those in Isaac's life in the healthiest way but currently no one in particular has wrapped him around her pretty little finger. I like it - for about 5 minutes, he's still mine!

Daniel and Erin are still in school! Erin is still teaching kindergarten and so far, miraculously, has survived the deep budget cuts the school district has been forced to make. We JUST celebrated with Daniel the completion of his Masters in Theater in Education from Cal-State San Bernardino. Now he is in the last lap of his education, working for his teaching credential from Cal-Baptist. He works as a long term sub at a school in the district and we are all praying that when he has his credential, God will open up a teaching job right here. The principals in Corona love Daniel and he is popular wherever he goes to substitute: We are very optimistic! Daniel directed our incredible production of Peter Pan last spring and is gearing up to direct our winter production of Cinderella. Erin works alongside Daniel in every way – they make an incredible duo that is serving the kids of CAT and the arts community in a powerful way.

Now for me, there’s too little room and too much to say. You can scroll back through these past blogs to catch up on the miraculous ways God has protected and sustained my our family and my arts organization, Christian Arts and Theatre. I’m drawn more and more to write and expect to be doing that a lot in 2010: hoping to finally get my book written (whether anyone reads it or not) My sweet dad has promised HE will read it: That’s what daddies are for! I’m as fully wrapped up in CAT as ever – a place God has firmly planted me and, as of right now, shows no signs of releasing me. It’s a ministry that has built me up and broken me, shoved me to my knees and lifted me up to the heights of glorious joy: Which is great fodder for a book – no coincidence there.

So, dear family and friends, you’ve had a glimpse of the Monroe year – more like a nano-glimpse. It’s hard to flesh it all out in just this short letter (“SHORT LETTER?” I just visualized several of you snorting egg nog out your nose).

I want to share the most tangible piece of hope that I can. In the middle of a terrible time in November: Mark’s job loss, Jordan’s near miss at Fort Hood and a desperate financial crunch at CAT, my new friend, Bonnie Huckabee, shared these verses with me from a difficult time in her own life. They have become such a constant comfort: 2 Chronicles 20: 12: The Israelites were facing a terrible enemy and their king prayed: “We have no power to face this vast army that is attacking us. We do not know what to do but our eyes are on you.” Take out the words “Vast army” and insert your own issue or problem. “I have no power over my job loss, my marriage, my health problems - whatever is burdening you and continue the verse: We don’t know what to do but our eyes are on you. God is in control and he loves you. No matter what happens. Our job is to keep our eyes on him, trust him, give our hearts to him. 3 verses later, God answers, “Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God’s.” No matter what you are facing this Christmas season, put your trust in God. If it’s unbridled joy – thank Him for that gift, if it’s anything less then look to him.

Merry Christmas, Dear ones. Love, Cyndi for all the Monroes.

Things about which I'm Thankful

It's funny how Thanksgiving rolls around and it seems there is a nation-wide urge to suddenly become grateful or, at the very least, a willingness to publicly acknowledge "an attitude of gratitude". You know what I am talking about. Politicians and celebrities get their "God voice" on and, speaking in dulcet tones, inform us how thankful they are. Then to prove it, they spend four hours of one day serving at the homeless shelter (photo op nirvana). That makes me somehow want to NOT say anything, not jump on the band wagon, so to speak. I really am overwhelmingly grateful to my Lord for his constant, pervasive generosity that I find I don't want to get mixed up with the "fair weather" thankers (does that make sense?).

I tell people all the time how God sustains CAT every single day. He really does! I was talking to one of my sister-in-laws on Thanksgiving and I was telling her how incredible it is to be in the center of a miracle. [See my blog dated 11/11/09 for the story of the Miracle]. The idea that God is literally moving in our midst, bending people, places and events for His good purpose RIGHT NOW is hard for some people to wrap their minds around. Sure God parted the Red Sea, caused Jonah to be swallowed up then vomited out of a great fish and brought Lazarus back from the dead but that was a Loooooong time ago. The truth that He is (or wants to be) every bit as involved in our lives as He was in the lives of Moses or Jonah can just make your mind explode with that notion. God wants us to know him intimately, wants us to know he is RIGHT HERE, working all things together for His good. I think most of us are kind of sceptical about God's presence. I will bet I am not the only one who has asked (sometimes not in the nicest way) for God to just write the answer to some burning question or need clearly across the sky. Am I right? You have haven't you? "God, I don't know what to do. Tell me. Write it in BIG letters in the sky". Well sometimes he does that too.

About three weeks ago I was praying about Mark's job situation. He had just been laid off from the company he had worked for for 27 years. I was, to be honest, freaking out about it. Mark and I are, for all intents and purposes, just this side of old. (Is it true that 50 is the new 30?). I was laying on my bed, staring out my window as I talked to God about Mark's lack of a job ("...and God, did you know unemployment in Riverside County is over 15%... Did you know that, God?) I looked out my window and saw this unusual cloud formation and I thought : "Those look like fingers, ....cloud fingers". I grabbed my camera and went into my back yard to snap a couple of shots. I was really thinking that it looked like a huge hand - "God's hand", I thought. It wasn't until I came back into the house and downloaded the pictures on to my computer that I noticed the other cloud in the shot. If you look closely, it appears to be an open hand releasing a bird (creatively speaking). I thought how lovely of God to create that picture for me! He hears us when we pray and, glory be, writes (or "paints") it across the sky now and then! I am so thankful for the way God works in and through my life every single day.
What else? Today I talked to my dad for about 20 minutes on the phone about football, his grandsons, my pies.. Just stuff that dads and daughters like to discuss. I'm so thankful that my parents are still here even though they've got glory waiting for them. My parents are heroes to me and I love that the Lord is still using them daily for his good purpose. My folks are caring for my Auntie Carol who had a devastating stroke 15 months ago. They love her so they don't think of it as anything except a joy but it's hard work and very stressful at times. Auntie Carol is the dearest person, practically an angel, but, even still, it's a lot for someone nearly 85 like my dad and in her mid-70's like my mom. I am thankful for the example they are to me as they serve the Lord at a time when some would say, "Hey Bob and Pat, you've done enough - take it easy." Nope. They are blessing us with their generosity of heart and spirit. I pray I can be just like them when I grow up.
So thank you, Lord for your presence and for my parents: I am one grateful girl!

She Wasn't Supposed to be There

It was a simple invitation to speak at a Christmas Tea at a church in Prescott, Arizona. Over the years I have given my Christmas talk dozens of times and I thought it would be fun to go to Prescott. I'd drive to Phoenix, pick up my mom and then the two of us would zip up to the mountains for the weekend. What a delight! Of course, when the invitation to speak came 6 months ago, I didn't know then that it would opening weekend of our fall youth production of Annie Warbucks. In fact, there was a lot I didn't know would be happening in my life and, if I had, I probably would have turned the invitation down. Turns out, that would have been a terrible mistake. You see, I was supposed to be there.
So Friday morning, November 6th, I hopped into my rental car, made the drive to Phoenix and picked up my mom. It was already 4 o'clock AZ time when I got there and we still had the 2 hour drive north up White Spar mountain. I was a bit concerned because I hadn't spent enough time reviewing my talk for the next day. By the time we arrived at our hosts' home, had dinner with them and got settled it was after 9:00 PM and I needed some serious prep time for the 9:30 AM event.
One of the things I really love about my Christmas talk is that its funny and lighthearted. I get to sing and do some acting, share some funny memories. It's a blessing! As I was reading through the end of my talk, thinking about sharing God's plan of salvation, the Lord clearly spoke to me. Yes, he clearly spoke. He told me he wanted me to be more transparent with the women - share what is happening in my own life.
"No", I said (not out loud). "I don't want to - this is a fun, carefree day, I don't want to make it about me or bring them down" Besides, I have this patented talk I have been giving for years with a "tied up neat as a bow" salvation call and prayer at the end.
But I couldn't sleep. I kept thinking about that voice saying, "Be transparent".
You see, three weeks earlier, as I was preparing to head over to my office, my husband Mark, walked in the door. It was 9:00 in the morning.
"What are you doing home?", I asked.
"It's over", he calmly replied.
Clueless, I asked, "What's over?"
"My job. I've been laid off", he said.
After 27 years at the same company, Mark was laid off. And, even though Mark had been warning me of this possibility, I never really believed it would happen. "Devastating" was the first word that popped into my mind.
A week later, my office manager and I were looking at the completely dismal state of our current finances at CAT, my non-profit theater arts education program. This is not a good time to be non-profit, especially a Christian Theater Arts non-profit. Over the past 11 years, though, I have seen again and again the Lord work in marvelous ways to sustain CAT. It has been the greatest blessing to see his hand in everything we do. So it is embarrassing to admit that I was feeling panicked. With only a few days until the next payroll was due and all the expenses surrounding our current production, the word "bleak" leaped into my mind.
Devastating? Bleak? Those are the words I thought of first when faced with these truly difficult situations. And yet, honestly why? I hate it that its so typical of me to think that, although God has helped CAT so many times, in so many amazing ways, I am sure he MUST be thinking, "What? Again? Can't you CAT people take care of yourselves for once? There are LOTS of other things that need my immediate attention".
Then, this past Thursday, November 5th, I got a call from my son, Jordan, who is in the army. It was about 11:45 AM - very unusual for him to call in the middle of the day.
"Mom, there's something going on here at the base, something about a shooter. I'm fine, I'm locked down in my office. Could you check the news and let me know what's going on?" As my son was hunkered down in the Battalion headquarters building, right across the street an Islamic terrorist was gunning down 13 innocent soldiers and wounding 30 others. "Terrifying" seems like a good word.
I didn't want to be transparent about these things, this lack of trust in God. I wanted to be fun and perky and give these women a really enjoyable celebration of the season. But God reminded me something that happened later on Thursday night after the massacre at Ft. Hood.
I was talking to my friend, Bonnie Huckabee. Bonnie's daughter, Georgia, will soon be my new Daughter-in-law when she and Jordan marry this next June. I was sharing with Bonnie the weight of all the things going on in my life and she shared the greatest verse with me - a verse that had brought comfort when her family was facing some particularly tough times.
2 Chronicles 2:12 (not what you were expecting, right?) The situation in this chapter of 2 Chronicles is one where the Israelites, led by King Jehoshaphat, are facing a vast army bent on destroying them. Vs: 12b says: " We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you". I love that - it really hit home with me because that is exactly how I felt.
So here I was, late Friday night, trying to get to sleep but unable to because I knew God wanted me to take the risk of being transparent with the ladies at the event the next day. I got back up, rewrote the entire ending of my talk and then drifted off.
On Saturday my mom and I drove to the church - it was beautiful. The unusual aspect of the event was that I was to speak first then we'd all troop down to the fellowship center for lunch and the rest of the festivities.
I wound my way through my presentation and when I got to the end I took that God-inspired detour. I told the ladies that they might be thinking that since I was the "speaker" it must mean my life was perfect... that I didn't really know how tough things could be.
Here's my reality I said.... then I shared about Mark losing his job, Jordan's brush with terror and the current state of finances for CAT, the fact that I did not know how I was going to make payroll in 8 days and I did not know what to do.. but my eyes were on the Lord (citing 2 Chronicles).
I went on to share how the only gift that really mattered this season was Jesus and his salvation. "Do you really know how much our God loves us?", I asked. Ephesians 1: 7 & 8 tell us that "in Christ Jesus, we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins in accordance with the riches of God's Grace that he LAVISHED on us with all wisdom and understanding". He has lavished us with his grace. Astounding truth. I may not know what to do but my eyes are on God who has Lavished his grace on me with all wisdom and understanding.
It was so freeing to share it all with these women. I mean, I was preachin' it and loving every minute because I was being obedient to my Lord - even if it was hard to be that transparent.
After I finished I had a wonderful opportunity to give and receive lots of encouragement. I knew I had made the right decision to make the trip - I knew I was supposed to be there.
As we all settled down for lunch, a beautiful young woman slipped into the seat next to me and asked me if she could speak to me privately outside. I had never seen her before and, since I was not wearing my glasses, I could only read her first name on her name tag: Angela.
We stepped outside into the hallway. I think the first thing she said to me was, "I was not supposed to be here."
She went on to explain that she hadn't bought a ticket to the sold-out event but the pastor's wife had called her that morning and said a ticket had been turned back in - would she like to come?
She went on to ask me a couple of questions about CAT and then she said, "I think I can help you".
I promptly burst into tears.
Angela explained that she and her husband had inherited some money. They had purposed to set aside a portion as a tithe and were waiting for the Lord to let them know what to do with the money.
Again Angela said to me, "I was not even supposed to be here but when I heard you share about your non-profit, the Lord spoke to me and said - this is it,this is who I want you to help."
I couldn't believe my ears. I thought I was going to faint. Then Angela asked, "How much money do you need?"
That brought me up straight. What a difficult question. Do I tell her the true amount? Will that make her think - WOW! If they need that much, I don't want to waste my money"? Do I make up a number? Do I tell her a low amount that I am pretty sure she will be able to give? I literally closed my eyes, prayed for God to say the number and the words, "$15,000" came out of my mouth. Angela's eyes flew open very wide and she actually took a step back. I grabbed her arm and with every ounce of true sincerity I had, I told her that ANY amount would be amazing and I would be very, very grateful.
Angela told me she needed to talk to her husband and she would get back to me.
I returned to the luncheon and didn't say a word to anyone. My mind was reeling at first and then, you know what, I just let it go. I relaxed and enjoyed myself.
About the time the dessert was being served, I glanced up and there was Angela, standing in the doorway back out to the hall way. She was gesturing to me to come and join her.
She started out, "Well, I called my husband." Let me say, I didn't realize she meant she was going to call her husband RIGHT THEN. She went on, "He was in complete agreement with me"
Then Angela reached out her hand and laid a check for $15,000 in my hand. $15,000. I didn't even know her last name. She knew virtually nothing about CAT. As I was stammering and blabbering "thank you" in every way I could, she said that sentence again, "I wasn't even supposed to be here."
But she was. She followed God's call to come to a Christmas Tea for no apparent reason.
I thought I shouldn't have come either. But I did. And I followed God's call to be obedient by sharing my own struggles with those women.
I asked Angela's permission to share with the ladies what had just transpired and she reluctantly agreed. As I was called up to close the event in a word of prayer, I asked the women to give me just three more minutes, to (as Paul Harvey would say) tell them the"rest of the story".
There was great cheering and applause as I shared how Angela's gift met all our needs for days ahead. Just enough.
As you read this, I hope you see how clearly impossible this whole story is. That only a Loving God could orchestrate it, knowing the outcome would be wholly glorifying to him. There is NO way this could have happened outside of God.
I really pray that you are touched in some way by this story: If you are in a dark place, trust that God is walking through it with you. If you don't know him, Oh, more than anything I hope this will entice you to seek a personal relationship with him. He wants to LAVISH you with the riches of his Grace with all wisdom and understanding.
I'm so glad I found myself in that place with Angela. We were both supposed to be there.
Post Script: Today, November 11, 2009, my husband Mark began his new full-time job with a company here in Corona. God is faithful beyond all measure!